I was born awesome and have been improving ever since.

Joined September 2013
Everybody worries about pronouncing the L in Salmon but not the B in subtle.
Just Got my portals delivered. @valvesoftware going to sue somebody.
At least make the hole in the "R" churro shaped! Come on.
A Famous Actor retweeted
Let him off and you just encourage him. And the next demagogue.
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If anyone deserves a Medal of Freedom it's Colin Kaepernick. From President Biden. Pass it on.
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A Famous Actor retweeted
the "fuck your feelings" crowd sure is expressing a lot of feelings about Parler today
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I'm a Marine vet I'm a Democrat I haven't committed sedition I will run against @DevinNunes RT and follow
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Imagine how much dirt we are going to uncover now that @gop don't have the power to hide everything.
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Fact: More Americans died as a result of the siege on the United States Capitol than in #Benghazi.
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When you join the military there is a question "have you ever been part of an organization that has wanted to violently overthrow the United States government" #Republicans now have to answer "yes".
What combination of government bureaucrats and engineers decided special fasteners were necessary to hold the front plate on the Model S? At least tell me you sell a tesla branded socket. @elonmusk @Tesla
Every tool is a hammer, but some are also spacers. @donttrythis #everytoolsahammer
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I've found the quickest way to shut anyone up on the internet. You just say "please explain".
Something I can guarantee while watching a video: I will not "wait for it".
None of the kids wanted toys for Christmas this year, they just wanted cash. Understandable, but cash as a gift, while practical, always feels impersonal, so I made special packaging. Went over well
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Even the @ScrubDaddy people have admitted a double sided sponge is superior.