internet comic man specializing in baggy eyes & human viscera

Joined August 2015
Here is the announcement: Book amzn.to/2M0crgh
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When you smash down the garbage in the garbage can to make room for more garbage and your hand comes out covered in hummus 😮
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Using the random number of seconds that somebody else left on the microwave, to also cook MY food, is how I reduce waste
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(to the tune of ‘emotional motion sickness’) 🎶 I have regular motion sickness 🎶
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“Brown the beef in a pan.” More like “gray” the beef. It looks gray
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Also: just, like, the biggest props to all the workers at the polls. Risking your health in a pandemic, then having all your work so flagrantly disrespected by the freaking president. I’m proud of you
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A clean bill of health! Immediately resulting in a bill bill of $4,380
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One of my favorite things to do is apologize to out-of-town visitors for bad weather
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Teeth have a soft core called dental pulp. Isn’t that great?
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It is simply amazing to watch all these national broadcasters tiptoe around how colossally unlikeable and unrepentant these Astros are. Once again, baseball encapsulating a moment in time.
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Ahhhhh rosemary. The edible pine needle
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Just vacuumed up an ant. What a horrible way to die
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They really decided to call it “Moneyball” when “Mathletics” was right there. Come on
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Do you ever just stand there in your mask, privately reflecting on how bad your breath is?
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Joey Votto is short for Joseph Vottoseph
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It’s not too late to make a music video for “the wreck of the edmund fitzgerald”.
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henceforth only referring to a fart as a "fragrant foul"
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I can literally see our season unraveling #CHCvsDET
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